Dating in the modern age Pt. 2
Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt like you were doing most of the work? Like you were the one investing so much of yourself into that relationship while it seemed like the other person was holding out on you?
Let me tell you this, you’re not the only one. You’re not alone in this because almost half of all relationships are like this.
No, this isn’t the way relationships were meant to go but that’s what they’ve changed into for some people. The way they see it, all you have to do is invest yourself physically and leave any and all emotions out of it.
Basically you can say that these relationships started out with lust, at least for one of the two people in the relationship. They lusted after the person who they’re now currently in a relationship with and they don’t see a problem with it. However this is a problem because what this really means is that they’re relationship is built solely on lust which excludes the presence of emotions. A relationship where one person isn’t emotionally invested isn’t one that will last long.
“Why commit to love someone emotionally if you can just use them physically?”
Today, people don’t want the emotional baggage a relationship comes with, instead they only want the physical benefits that relationships come with (or at least what society says that they come with, however this shouldn’t apply to christian relationships but it does)
“…you see them as something you can use to satisfy yourself”
When you enter a relationship that started out with lust, it won’t end well. No matter how you look at it or try to work around it. When you lust after a person, you don’t see them as another human being, instead you see them as something you can use to satisfy yourself. So in a relationship, you only want the parts of them that you can use.
“Love embraces the whole person on his or her best days and worst”
Some people actually have a real reason for not investing themselves emotionally into relationships anymore. For some people, they don’t see a point to it because they’ve been hurt badly in the past. In their last relationship, they may have been fully invested emotionally and in the end it just crashed and burned. So they don’t really see a reason for doing it so they’d have to go through that again. The thing stopping them is fear.
“Fear closes off and withdraws, but love opens up and gives freely.”
Guys, every relationship is going to be different. We need to stop assuming that this new relationship we’re in(or about to enter in) is going to be like our previous one because its not! Every relationship is different because you’re in it with a different person (unless you’re with your ex which won’t be any different than the first one).
You need to be willing to open up with the other person if you want the relationship to be successful otherwise, they’ll close up just like you.
“Love risks vulnerability for the sake of the other person”
A relationships comes with risks that you have to be willing to take in order for your relationship to grow. If you don’t take a risk and open yourself up a little, the relationship won’t go anywhere. You having to be willing to risk exposing yourself to one another because how else will you get to know them on a personal level?
When you enter a relationship, it has to be without lust, pride and fear. If you enter a relationship with any of these things, it will create a wedge or drive you into isolation.
You can never predict how a relationship will go, all you can do is make sure you did all you can. Make sure that you actually made an effort to make it work and if it does, then great! But if it doesn’t, that’s still okay because then you’ll know that that person wasn’t for you. Remember you’ll never know unless you try.