Should A Christian Date A Non-Christian?

Have you ever had your parents not approve of your boyfriend or girlfriend because they weren’t believers? Many christians struggle and end up in situations like these way too many times. I’ve thought about this for so long but I couldn’t figure out if we should or shouldn’t. So the other day, I came across a YouTube video by Jefferson & Alyssa Bethke called “Should a Christian Date A Non-Christian”. They gave their opinion on the issue and gave details to support their reasoning. I am beyond happy that I came across this video because it points out so many truths that many of us choose to ignore. I’m sure that many of us don’t like the idea of dating a non-christian but we tend to overlook it because we don’t really know what it means to date a non-christian. We don’t really understand how it can draw us farther away from Christ without us realizing it before its too far. We don’t realize what kind of damage it can do with our current relationship with Christ.

During the video I wrote down some key things that they mention in their video that I think are very important. Here are some of the things I jotted down…

  • Why would you want to date someone (in a sense where you wish to have a future with them, like say getting married), if they don’t share what you hold closest, which is God?
  • It’s okay to like different things than you but its a bigger deal when they don’t love Christ because, Christ is a part of your identity.
    • You won’t be able to share anything with your partner, you can never truly be honest with them, and when it comes to decision-making you can’t share you’re motivation behind your decision. People who are followers of Jesus, 9 times out of 10 their decisions are based off of what the scripture says, about what Jesus is leading them to do. You won’t be able to share this.
    • You become a new person in Christ. Everything you do in your life is for Christ.
  • This guy named Tim Weller said that there are two things that happen in this type of relationship:
    • one is that Christ is in the center of your relationship and your partner is on the outside. You guys start to feel separated, you both can’t understand it so you start to drift apart.
    • Or the person is at the center of your relationship and God’s on the outskirts. This happens because when you make a decision, you don’t share Christ so you push Him aside.
  • Only when all of you are followers of Jesus can you both be in the center along with Jesus.
  • There’s a lot of christian boys out there, who say that they are christians. But real men of God are those who serve and sacrifice, where they lift you up. Is this who you are looking for? Or are you just settling for someone who says they’re christian but doesn’t really live the life?
  • Don’t flirt to convert. When dating a non-christian, don’t think of it as missionary dating. It’s possible to change someone but rather you let someone else do it.
  • Ladies: observe the guy and see if he really loves Jesus, not just someone who says that he does on social media. What is evidence in his life that he is truly walking with Christ?
  • Many of us girls, get in situations like these where we date non-christian guys because we’re settling. We’re tired of waiting on the Lord. It seems as though nothing is happening, so we decide to take control.
  • When you’re dating a non-christian guy, you know deep down in your heart that you’re settling and not truly trusting God who is able to bring a man into your life who truly loves the Lord.
  • When you are in a relationship like this, you probably realize that God has someone out there for you but you’re too emotional and physically involved and you’re scared to break up. You’re probably idolizing this person, this person has become more important to you than Christ.
  • Lamentations 3:25 says the following, “The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the soul who seeks Him.”
    • God is completely able to bring a man into your life who loves Him, though it might take longer than you like.

After watching this video, I look back at the notes I took and realized something. I never really though about dating a non-christian in-depth. I just knew that it was something that I should stay away from. But after hearing all of this, I now know the reason behind my answer, why I shouldn’t date them.

Though this video mainly talks about dating non-christian guys, I think that this applies to guys dating girls as well. In a relationship you want someone who you can share goals and have them in common. If the person you are dating, whether a girl or a guy, don’t love Jesus then this will cause a major strain on your relationship. In a relationship, you want someone who loves that Lord more than they love us. This being said, they can lead you and help you grow in Christ.


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